i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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