two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Randomize
