somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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