You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
