Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
