I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
