just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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