Slut skills are useful in every country.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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