PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Randomize
