Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
