Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
