32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
