So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
