I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
