That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
