Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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