you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
