you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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