I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
