I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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