just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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