Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
