"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
