New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
