I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i think my cat just said my name.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
