Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
