I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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