My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
