I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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