Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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