last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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