Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
