wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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