this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
