mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
