Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
