I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
