i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
