Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
