she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
