i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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