why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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