i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
this hospital has no fireball
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
