I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
