she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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