pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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