I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
