I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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