Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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