she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
