I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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