um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
