shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
