I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I love having hate sex.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
