ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
