My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
