She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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