I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
