i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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