There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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