I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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