lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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