I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
