I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
