yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
