When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
