I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
that may or may not have been my penis.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
