i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
